


Casa Calamity

by priestessamy



Series: Tales of Useless Gays [1]
Category: Tales of Berseria
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Trans Female Character, oh my god they were roommates, trans!Magilou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-05-25 13:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14978615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/priestessamy/pseuds/priestessamy
Summary: In need of a third roommate, Velvet and Maggie decide to bring in the only candidate who didn't seem totally awful, theology student Eleanor. Still, everyone's got their dark pasts and their hangups, and things are bound to get a little tense. But maybe a little tension is exactly what they all need.





	1. Life Less Ordinary

“This is hopeless. Each one is worst than the last.” Leave it to Velvet to be a killjoy.

“Okay, well, we don't have much of a choice. Unless you want each of us to be paying way more rent – which I will remind you is impossible – we need a new roommate. At least we have the benefit of knowing ahead of time that Roku is ditching us to go live with his boyfriend.”

As Maggie playfully chided her friend, he came walking into the living room with a piece of pocky sticking out of his mouth. “Would you cut that out? I just need to get somewhere with a little less estrogen, okay?”

Velvet scoffed. “That's a gross way of phrasing it. You're trading one hormone for another. You can just admit you'd prefer living with Eizen. No doubt it will be more comfortable for you.”

“Phrase it that way and you will literally break my heart, Roku!” Maggie put her hand to her chest and swooned dramatically, but her posing was cut short by a light smack on the shoulder from Velvet. “Anyway, our last person is calling in on Skype. It's a lot harder to get a good read on somebody over video chat. I mean, this Eleanor person is probably a total weirdo and we'll never know. So I say we do this just as a courtesy and then bring in that Teresa girl. She seemed like a bitch, but we're no strangers to that.”

“Ugh, no, not her. We would kill each other within a week. Let's just give this girl a chance. Maybe she'll magically turn out to be perfect and everything will be... fine...” The more Velvet spoke, the less positive she sounded. “Okay well... that's not likely. But I'll take 'tolerable' at this point.”

Maggie grabbed up her phone and opened up Skype, hunting down the new contact and sending a request. After a few moments, an image popped up of a cute redhead, maybe a few years younger than either of them. “Hello? Ah! Hi there, I can see you! Hello!” She waved excitedly toward the camera, and while Maggie appreciated her positivity, she had no doubt it would drive Velvet crazy.

“Sup kiddo? I'm Maggie, and...” she carefully turned her phone to show the reclining brunette, “that there is Velvet. I'll be asking the questions, and she'll be mercilessly judging you. So, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about yourself!”

Perhaps the poor thing didn't quite understand the joke, because she looked legitimately confused and frightened for a moment before clearing her throat. “Right! Um, so I'll be attending theology school in the fall and I need someplace to live. I'm studying to be a pastor. Oh! But... But I'm not... I mean, you don't need to worry about me being one of those awful people who go around and...” She stopped her mini-tirade almost as soon as she had started it, sighing dramatically and placing her palm against her forehead. “I promised myself I wasn't going to get immediately defensive, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you have more questions for me.”

Maggie shared a look with Velvet then looked back at the screen. “Uh, actually we might want to follow this up, honey. My blood is rainbow-colored and Vel has a girlfriend. So if you're just trying to look good but it turns out you have some kinda deep hatred for us, you should probably be honest about it.”

The poor thing's eyes went wide and she started shaking her head vigorously. “I'm serious! I just care about making peoples' lives better. I-I just... I need a place to live and most of the other ones I've looked into were sketchy. But you two seem like genuinely cool people. I'm really quiet and I keep to myself. Even if you guys don't like me all that much, I'll be way too busy doing grad school stuff to bother you.”

Something about the earnest desperation in Eleanor's reaction made Maggie break out in bright laughter. “Oh my god, chill girl. We just need to ask you a few more boring questions, make our decision, and get back to you.”

The promise of more boring questions appeared to put Eleanor at ease and she actually started smiling again. “Right. Hit me with it.”

* * *

Against all sense, Eleanor really was the best option out of everyone Maggie and Velvet interviewed. So... their new roommate was a baby pastor. That would probably be okay.

Except it actually kind of was. True to her word, she was pretty quiet and solitary, and the closest they came to talking about religion was early one Sunday morning.

Maggie was still up from the night before, working off a hangover by making herself a disgusting breakfast full of grease. Eleanor strolled into their little kitchen looking surprisingly adorable. “Hah, hey there, got a hot date or something?”

“Oh, uh, church actually. I heard the university chapel is pretty cool so I thought I'd give it a look.” She seemed so ridiculously embarrassed to admit that she was doing something so normal for herself that it really did endear Eleanor to her a bit. “I-I mean, cool for a dork like me. I'm not gonna invite you or anything...”

Maggie plucked a piece of bacon directly from the pan and placed it in her mouth. Yes, it burned like a bitch, but now she was dedicated to this and she chewed through the pain and focused on the deliciousness. “Easy, you've been cool so far, don't go ruining it now. I can give you a ride if you need.”

That caught her off guard, and she got that now-familiar wide-eyed look. “Oh, no need, I'll be taking the train. I still need to get to know the city better. But I'll remember that if I'm ever late or it's raining out. Provided you aren't still drunk from the night's festivities of course.” She giggled brightly, though decency dictated that she try to hide it behind her hand.

Maggie joined her in bright laughter, having already forgotten searing the shit out of her mouth. “OMG, the kitten has claws! I knew you were gonna be fine. Seriously, don't be afraid to do that more often. Me and Vel snipe each other all the time. Of course, that means you also have to be able to take it, so... maybe keep to the good girl shtick.”

Still laughing softly, Eleanor turned and started toward the front door. “I'll remember that.”

Things were quiet for a while, though eventually there was a brief ruckus from Velvet's room, and she emerged a little while later, tugging on her long therapy glove up her left arm. “Did I hear you talking to someone?”

 _Lucky for me I cooked enough food for two people._ “Our little angel was just saying hello before popping off to church. I swear, I'm used to thinking of 'good people' as being aggravating and self-righteous. But somehow she actually manages to be... like.. good-good. It's disarming.”

Velvet laughed softly as she went to the fridge, digging around until she had located the orange juice, before taking an incredibly big swig straight from the carton. “Wait, holy shit, are you thinking about taking a run at her? You're shameless, Mayvin.”

Her eyes could not have rolled hard enough. “Ugh, give me a break. I'm happy living the single life, thank you very much. Unlike you, Miss Monogamy. You think you're ever gonna pop the question to Niko or are you just gonna keep dancing around each other forever.”

She set down the carton and began to glare at her – not the playful kind when they were giving each other little jabs, but her serious 'I'm gonna kick your ass' glare. “I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation a million times already. I'm not exactly... _there_ yet. You know that. So stop bringing it up.”

That was the problem with being the playful trickster. Occasionally you forgot where the boundaries were and you poked a sleeping bear. “Sorry, Crowe. You know I speak without thinking. You do you; if you're happy, that's all that matters.” That seemed to calm things back down and the atmosphere in the room went back to relatively normal. So Maggie served up some eggs and bacon for the both of them and they ate their breakfasts in the living room while watching cartoons.

* * *

The two must have lost track of time, because Eleanor came back before either of them moved from their comfy spots. Surprisingly, instead of disappearing back into her room, she joined them, curling up on the nearby chair with a pleasant smile. “Oh my goodness, I haven't seen this show since I was little.”

Velvet glanced in her direction with an amused half-smile. “How was God?”

If she was phased, Eleanor didn't show it, smiling just as kindly as she had been a moment before. “I imagine They're doing just fine. I'll make sure to let Them know you asked.” Something about this struck her as funny and she giggled softly at her own little joke. “Sorry, um, I had a good time. The chapel is gorgeous and the choir is quite talented.”

Her gaze moved from Eleanor over to where Maggie was sitting, her eyebrows raising ever so slightly.

“Told you, she's got a few clever bones in her body. The kid isn't so bad.”

“And here I was worried I might get kicked out if I'm not funny enough. Good to know I'm proving myself.”

Maggie pointed a vaguely threatening finger in her direction. “You haven't proven yourself yet. Don't get complacent.”

“They...” Velvet had a nasty habit of occasionally going off on her own little mental journey, and then coming back into the conversation a little too late. “You called God... They.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I do that. My church back home was kind of... aggressively liberal. It's actually been a little surprising talking with other students who didn't have the same upbringing. So it's partially just me using the pronouns I'm used to, and partially me pushing against everyone trying to make God into that big bearded judge in the clouds. It's a little passive aggressive, I admit. You don't mind, do you?” Eleanor tilted her head, looking legitimately concerned about touching a raw nerve. Nothing like Maggie.

“No, it's fine. Arthur, my brother-in-law, used to always talk that way. About 'Him', about 'He' up above who sees us when we do bad things. He was pretty old-school. But calling God 'They'... I dunno, makes me think about some genderfluid person in their mid-twenties who's trying to figure things out like any of us. It's... nice.”

The redhead sat up, looking delighted to have finally gotten more than five words out of Velvet. “Oh! So your brother-in-law is a pastor then?”

“Probably. Haven't talked to the bastard in three years.”

Well shit. So much for that. As quickly as she had opened up, Velvet had shut back down. Eleanor stood up from the chair, fiddling with her hands. “O-Okay well... I-I'm just gonna go get some um... reading done. Um... okay, later.” Just like that, she was gone again, and things felt crappy.

Maggie had no clue how to actually be a good friend. She mostly knew how to be an annoying nuisance. But once in a while, she had to at least try and cobble together one halfway decent sentence. Glancing briefly to the side, she could see that a cloud of bad thoughts had definitely settled around Velvet. “Hey. I can talk to her about it or whatever. Just so she knows where the landmines are.”

“Do whatever you want,” was all Velvet muttered before disappearing to her own room.

 


	2. This is My Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is gonna get into the character's backstories, and I think my changes might require a slightly spoilery trigger warning. There will be some talk of debt, faith, pedophilia and grooming, car accidents, and scarring. After this, things will be a lot nicer and less upsetting, I hope.

Eleanor was not reading. Eleanor was crying on her bed. It was... a common issue for her.

She was swiftly reaching the conclusion that being here was a massive mistake – not just the apartment, but 'here' as a whole concept. Grad school was already feeling impossible and she was having difficulty making friends, and now even one of her own roommates clearly hated her. Maybe going straight from high school to college, then immediately working on a masters, was a bad plan. Clearly she wasn't mature enough for this stuff. After all, one rude comment and she was hiding in her room and crying. Just like always.

A sudden knock at the door shocked her out of her self-pity. She sat up from where she was stretched out and hastily wiped at her eyes. “C-Come in...”

She had kind of been expecting it to be Velvet, coming to apologize or explain or something, so she was a bit surprised when it turned out to be Maggie instead. “Hey.” It was one of those one-word sentences that spoke volumes.

“Hey,” she offered softly in return.

Although she was at least kind enough to knock, Maggie made no attempt to ask for permission to walk in. She simply entered and went to Eleanor's modest desk, taking her chair and instantly claiming it for her own. Her sitting posture was odd, sort of curling her legs up under and around herself, but she seemed infinitely comfortable. “You know, when me and Velvet and our other friends Roku and Eizen all hooked up, we kinda jokingly called ourselves the Lords of Calamity. We've all had pretty terrible luck in life, and banding together was like... just accepting the chaos and daring it to keep coming at us. When we got this apartment, I started affectionately referring to it as Casa Calamity.”

Eleanor was so grateful for the fact that she was actually learning things and she began to brighten up, wiping at her eyes again without self-consciousness. “What kind of bad luck?”

She sighed, for a moment her face going serious and thoughtful. “Mm, not my place to speak for the others, and my story is so horribly boring I wouldn't want to burden you with dullness. But I'll say this much, we've all had some pretty bad experiences with religious folks. And I'm sure that's really saying something considering you're the one we picked to move in. You seem like a nice enough kid, well-meaning in a not-destructive kind of way.” She looked around her, perhaps actually taking in Eleanor's decorations for the first time since she'd walked in. “So it's complicated. Like pretty much anything in life. We've been burned, so we brace for the worst. But at the same time, you're innocent until proven guilty here. Velvet doesn't hate you, she's just grumpy all the time. You get used to it.”

That seemed to be the end of things, so she pushed herself back up to her feet and started moving for the door. It occurred to Eleanor that even if she was 'innocent', an olive branch wouldn't be a bad idea. “I don't want to go around comparing wounds or anything, but I have had some 'terrible luck' myself. So... I get it. Sometimes, there must be a wall.”

One of Maggie's eyebrows went up, and her mouth curved into a slightly wicked smile. “Yes, a wall. I'm glad we all understand each other. Toodles~”

And then she was gone. Eleanor felt strangely comforted and rather confused, but at least she wasn't crying anymore.

* * *

She was certain that would be the end of things. And for a little while it was. It was a week before anything came of her curious Sunday afternoon. Eleanor had been home from her last class that Friday for a while, sitting in her room and not doing anything because, again, she had no social life. That was when she heard some rather energetic conversation coming from the living room. Initially, she planned to just ignore it, but then she heard Maggie's rather shrill voice loudly calling out for her in particular. “Eleanoooooor~! There are some lovely ladies in the lounge that long to... to... augh, dammit, alliteration is so hard when you're drunk... Get out here!”

This was definitely a weird new development. Driven more by curiosity than by the tone of her roommate's voice, she crept out of her room and moved into the living room area. Velvet was occupying one chair, drinking from a half-gone bottle of wine. Maggie was splayed out across the couch with her own bottle. “Um, you... need something?”

Maggie was shaking her head as she motioned to another chair with a bottle of wine set reverentially against it. “Mmm-mmm, I wanted to chat. Because... Because there's... no wait I had a thing... I may not...” Her face grew stony and she stared hard at nothing. “I may not have an army of Hebrews or a bunch of horns, but I know how to tear down the walls all the same. Hah! Still got it.”

Oh. Jericho. Walls. She... broke them? That was her plan?

“Anyway, we were just talking about how fucked up we are and I was like... Eleanor should probably be here for this. So she knows what she's in for, ya know?” Maggie gave her a little playful wink as she took her seat and undid the screw cap.

Velvet's eyes began to narrow, although she was very decidedly still drinking her wine. “Wait. Did you trick me into opening up?”

The blonde's smile was wide as the ocean and sharp as a knife. “No. I bought you wine and got you talking about stuff. Everything else is totally unexpected and completely unplanned.”

She was obviously unconvinced, but also seemingly uninterested in pressing the point any further. “So...”

* * *

_So..._

_My parents died when I was pretty young. Car accident. It was awful, but at least I still had my big sister Celica and my little brother Laphicet. We looked after one another, we took care of one another. Even when we found out that Laphi had some kind of terrible sickness. We were a family. And when my sister met this sweet missionary named Arthur, our family started to grow. They got married. They were going to have a kid._

_A family. Hah..._

_Everything was just going so great, and I thought... maybe it's time to tell them the truth. We were in the car, which really should have been my fucking clue, you know? If I had just waited until we got home, or if I had told them one at a time, they'd still be alive. But I was a dumb teen, so I just said it. “I'm gay.”_

_And Arthur just... saw red I guess. And he got so into telling me that it was a sin and I shouldn't seem so proud about it. Even as Celica tried to be supportive and Laphi tried to mediate. My world was spinning figuratively, and then it was spinning literally as we got hit by a big truck. It struck us on the passenger side and sent is flying. The passenger side where Celica and Laphi were sitting. If I had taken the front seat, she would still be there for him, they'd still have their kid._

_Of course, everything went black there for a while. I came to in a hospital room with my left arm completely bandaged. Arthur was sitting there with his arm in a sling. His nerves had been severed and the entire limb was useless. Mine, well..._

//////////

Eleanor watched as Velvet took her long glove and slid it off, revealing a series of scars and burns all along the pale skin. “I stayed just long enough for the funeral, and then I got out of there.” She took another big swig from her bottle and sighed sadly. “So. There's my damage. Mags?”

* * *

_Ugh, she fucking loves making that reveal. Anyway._

_So._

_I never knew my parents. They gave me up. They didn't want me, so really, I say screw 'em, right?? I mean, that's what I say. Doesn't make it suck less._

_I went through the usual round of foster homes and they were all garbage. Sometimes they were those people who like to hoard kids so they can take advantage of state money. Others were heavily Christian families who didn't like the fact that I wanted to know more about my Jewish heritage or the fact that I kept telling them I was definitely a girl. But they still made me pray to Jesus and called me by my deadname._

_But finally, finally, finally, I was saved from those terrible people by a man named Mel. He was a philosopher, a friendly old Jewish man who was more than happy to call me Maggie. Mel was great. He took care of me, he taught me about philosophy and how to think about things. He bought me whatever I wanted. He really was the father I'd never had._

_Then uh... then one day... So uh... Well, he came home with a present for me. I opened it to find a really pretty dress that he'd got just for me. Only it uh... it was kinda more like a dress that a guy would buy for a girl, right? Pretty short with these flimsy little straps and..._

_But he was my dad, and he was there for me. And so I figured you know. Put it on and just humor him. Everything felt weird and bad and once I was wearing it he started to get more handsy – petting my hair and trying to kiss me and..._

_Well, I mean, I did what I could. I kneed him in the balls, packed a bag and got the fuck outta Dodge. I hitchiked my way to the big city and before I know it I'm slumming it with a bunch of squatters. And it felt more like home than anything else. Velvet and the guys became my real family._

* * *

Eleanor's chest felt tight. These sad lives that these two were trying to make better in their own ways. She felt bad for telling Maggie that she had her own tough story because now it seemed so small and easy by comparison.

“Alright, that's my piece. You know a bit more about us. So tell us, oh baby pastor, how about you? What do you suppose made Fate bring you here to the house of Chaos?”

Eleanor quickly drank from her bottle, trying to sort out her own story from all these other things she was hearing. These were real stories, the kind of thing that made her want to become a religious leader, to heal the world. Did she actually deserve to live with women like these who had seen the world at its darkest? Women who had been personally injured by the religion she loved so much?

“Eleanor?” Velvet's voice shocked her out of her pathetic interior monologue. “Don't let Mags scare you. Your life is your own and you don't have to tell us anything.”

Perhaps, but they had been kind enough (if drunk enough) to tell her, and Eleanor figured the least she could do was try and meet them halfway. “My mother and I never knew who my real dad was, so it was just the two of us. A few years ago, she started feeling really tired all the time, having trouble breathing. She finally went to the doctor and found out it was a congenital heart condition that had never been caught before. It was... too late to do anything about it. She just... died slowly in this assisted facility and... and some people from my church helped look after me and they were putting all their money together to pay for the bills because technically she had a pre-existing condition even though we didn't know about it. And now I'm here going to school to be a pastor even though I don't know if I necessarily believe all of this stuff anymore and I can't drop out because what if I disappoint the people supporting me and they stop helping and then I'm saddled with so much debt that it crushes me and...”

Eleanor was crying again, practically hyperventilating. The bottle dropped from her hand, and she could only watch in wonder as Velvet moved with shocking speed to catch it before all the wine spilled out over the carpet. Maggie pulled a handkerchief seemingly from nowhere and passed it over to her. “Nora, welcome to the Lords of Calamity.”

She sniffled pathetically and did her best to wipe away her tears and clear away her snot, fully aware that at some point she had to pass this back to her roommate. Would she care? And why the hell was that the first concern that came to her mind? “W-Wait, why? It's not really that bad. Definitely not as bad as either of you. I-I'm just a whiny burden.”

Velvet passed the wine bottle back to her, almost like she was trading off some important relic or taking part in a ceremony. “Because it's not about a dick-measuring contest – no offense Mags.”

“None taken, Vel.”

“You've had a hard life, and somehow you ended up here, with us. Things happen, and the only way we can survive is by accepting that things are going to keep on happening and support one another. We take it a day at a time, a step at a time. Okay?”

Eleanor blew her nose before passing back the handkerchief. If Maggie was bothered, she didn't show it, merely tossing it into her room. “Take a nice deep breath, kiddo. You're one of us, like it or not.”

Laughing, Eleanor finally caved to this very bizarre peer pressure. “Okay. Um, thanks, both of you. This means a lot.”

“Ha, don't get used to it. Before you know it we'll be back to arguing with one another about dishes and vacuuming. Because sooner or later the little things will crop back up. But in the meantime, why don't I make us something to eat.”

“Yaaayyy!” Maggie bounced excitedly with her hands thrown up in the air.

Eleanor giggled softly and followed them into the kitchen, grateful that something had brought her here. God or chaos or fate or whatever. She would figure it out, in time.

 


	3. Love Loss Hope Repeat

There was a reason Velvet had reacted so negatively to Maggie's suggestion about proposing to Niko. The writing was on the wall. And it was particularly awful because it wasn't as if Velvet no longer loved her girlfriend, nor vice versa. Niko was a beautiful, wonderful, amazing human being with two adorable dogs. She had all these hopes and dreams, and she was filled with these idealistic expectations about life.

And Velvet knew that sooner or later, things would break. But she was also willing to stay with her for as long as she possibly could. So when Niko called Velvet, asking her to come over, saying they needed to talk, she got the distinct impression that the fissures were splitting wider.

Niko's apartment was always such a strong contrast to Casa Calamity. Things were so clean and orderly, save for Orthie and Russ being their usual selves. As she strolled through the door, she made sure to give each pup the attention they deserved. But the look on Niko's face was so serious as she motioned back into her bedroom, shutting the door behind them so they could have some appropriate peace and quiet. They sat down on the edge of her bed and Niko instantly reached out to take Velvet's left hand. She always held her left hand. It was one of the things Velvet loved the most about her. When they met back up after so many years apart, she didn't care about the things that had changed. She showed that she cared about Velvet completely, every part of her, scars and all.

“I... got a new job. As a head chef.”

Velvet nodded her head, waiting for the other shoe.

“...in Stonebury.”

And there it was. Velvet took a long, deep breath. Even doing her best to prepare herself for the day something like this happened, it still felt painful. “That's fantastic. I know it's been killing you, stuck as a sous-chef for so many years without any room to grow. But... Stonebury, that's...”

“It's not exactly nearby. And it's quite small. But I know you understand, sometimes you just have to take an opportunity. What it is your friend Eizen is always saying? Seizing the wheel of your own ship and all that?” She looked so sad as she spoke, and Velvet got the impression that she was putting off the difficult part of this conversation for as long as possible. “Would you... Is there any way... I-I mean if you were to come with me...”

Shit. Already Velvet could feel a few tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, and Niko was in a similar state. “I can't. My home is here. My family is here.”

Niko gently squeezed her hand, leaning in with eyes wide. “Dammit, Velvet, why can't I be your family?? Am I not enough?? W-We can move to Stonebury together, we could both work at this restaurant, adopt more dogs, get married, build a life together. Please. Please...?”

There was a part of herself, the old Velvet, who was screaming at her to say 'yes' and draw her girlfriend into her arms and never let her go. But the old Velvet died the day Arthur blamed her for Celica and Laphicet's deaths. And there was simply no way she could ever live that kind of life. She took Niko's hand between her own and lifted it, kissing her knuckle softly. “...no. You have earned this opportunity. You're going to go out there and make your mark. You've always wanted to live in a small town again where you can own your own perfect cafe. And you're going to have a perfect house with a million perfect dogs. And someday, some perfect woman is going to come in and fall in love with your perfect food. And then she'll fall in love with you. And you'll have a perfect wedding and a perfect life.”

Finally Velvet let go and stood up from the bed, hugging herself lightly. “You deserve that, and more. But I'm not perfect. I'm messy and chaotic and angry and I have a lot of things to work through. I can't give you what you really need. But I'm trying to be content with the fact that I could give you what you wanted. For a little while.”

Niko sniffled softly before drawing herself upright, and actually began to laugh. “You're always so hard on yourself, Velvet. You never see all your wonderful qualities. Look at how responsible you're being. How self-sacrificing and honest.” She closed the distance between them again and drew Velvet into a tight hug. “These last few years have been so amazing. I'm... I-I'm going to miss you so much...”

Unable to help herself, Velvet leaned in for one last kiss. It was slow and soft and full of all the sadness both of them felt, neither one bothering to hold back the tears anymore. Even after they pulled away, she didn't stray too far yet. “Me too...” She hated hearing her voice sound so weak, but... perhaps sometimes there was cause for weakness.

* * *

The next few days were spent lost in a fog, everything more or less blending together. It was burning the shit out of her hand at her job that finally shocked her back into the real world. To some extent, it felt like the time between leaving Niko's apartment and the sudden searing pain didn't even exist. She recoiled from the offending grill, clutching her good hand (her right hand, she mentally corrected herself; both her hands were perfectly good), releasing a string of curses. “Damn hell shit fuck!!”

Unlike Niko, Velvet didn't work in a nice establishment. This was little more than a glorified diner. And while cursing was far from frowned upon, the sheer volume of her swearing caught her boss's attention. With a dramatic sigh, he stepped away from his own project to pull her aside. “Velvet, I know you're in a tough spot right now, but we got people that come in here with their kids and all. Grab the first aid kit and patch yourself up. Then take the rest of the day off, get your head together, have a drink, get laid if that's what you need. And then come in tomorrow, ready to get back in the groove. I'm not takin' no for an answer on this one. Go on, get outta here. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow.”

Velvet knew pretty instinctually when she could win a fight with the disgruntled old cook and when it was hopeless. So she did as she was ordered and made her way back home. It wasn't a great feeling.

She walked in through the front door and made a beeline for the alcohol collection, grabbing up a bottle of cheap whiskey and taking a long drink. This was followed swiftly by the distinct sound of Maggie dramatically clearing her throat in the living room. She wandered in to find her sitting there with Bienfu on her lap. The cat was so impossibly huge that Velvet was certain it put her roommate in pain to have him there. But still the two humored one another out of some bizarre sense of camaraderie. Velvet could respect that.

“That's quite a bandage. Did the great cook sustain an injury in the line of duty today?

For a moment Velvet sat down, drinking her whiskey and not responding. The issue with Maggie was that if you talked to her, she would talk more. And if you didn't talk to her, she would talk more. It was an impossible kind of situation. But saying nothing gave her more room to invent insanity, so responding was the lesser of two evils, so to speak. “Burned the ever-loving crap out of my hand on the grill. Boss-man told me to take the rest of the day off.”

Maggie gave one of her trademark dramatic sighs. “My dear sweet Corvus Chiffon... There's no shame in a mourning period, all things considered. But you've been a real zombie lately. You need to get out of the apartment for something other than work and food. As it so happens, I actually have a teeny, tiny, nigh infinitesimal set on stage tonight. Perhaps yourself and the young Miss Hume might come and cheer me on?” Velvet's face was no doubt showing her uncertainty, because Maggie immediately began to pout. “Okay, well at the very least you can hang around to see if I choke or blow it, and then you can have a good laugh at my expense??”

Velvet went to take another sip from the bottle, only to look down and see that it was now empty. Perhaps she really was taking this harder than she was willing to admit. “Yeah... Yeah, I guess we can come watch your terrible stand-up act tonight. But only so I can laugh _at_ you.”

“Naturally.”

* * *

“Alright, so Velvet is a cook. And Maggie, you're... well, I guess technically your usual job is bar-tender, but you're trying to become a stand-up comedian?” Eleanor was musing from the back seat as she continued to try and correlate all the little bits and pieces of information she got with each passing day.

“Mmm, I prefer to think of myself as a performance artist~” Maggie interjected with a little chuckle as she guided the car down a side street.

Velvet scoffed, mostly staring out the window as she focused on keeping her brain and heart from spiraling somewhere dangerous. “Just because you do the occasional card trick or throw glitter for punch lines doesn't make you a performance artist, Mags.”

It was good to know that Maggie could always be depended upon to take jabs with a wink and a nod. “I beg to differ. Comedy is a cut-throat game and you have to take your edge wherever you can get it. I gotta do something to set myself apart.”

“Well,” Eleanor interjected with her usual mediating tone, “I'm looking forward to it. I can only imagine how inventive you must be, Maggie.”

That put an end to the banter for the time being. Maggie parked her car in a nearby lot and the three of them walked over to the club. As they grew closer, Eleanor made a rather odd noise while glancing up at the sign out front. “...The Cackle Tabernacle?”

Maggie just shrugged and led them in through the front door. “It's a Jewish neighborhood. I make no apologies for any jokes tonight that go over your sweet, gentile heads.”

Velvet shared a concerned look with Eleanor, but they were here now and backing out would just be shitty. The inside was... well, it was pretty much exactly what one would expect. Low lights, plenty of tables, a stage, a bar. It was a bar, with the intent purpose of hosting comedians. But it really was a rare thing for Maggie to actually get a chance to perform, and even if Velvet wasn't in a laughing mood, being here would make the woman happy.

“First round's on me!” Maggie chimed eagerly. Rather than simply going over and placing an order, she made an entire production out of vaulting over the bar and making a collection of suspicious drinks before bringing them over with practiced care. “Alright, that's a classic cosmo for the comely comedienne. A whiskey sour for the wistful senorita. And for the skeptic scholar, a saccharine sangria to slake her thirst. Enjoy!”

They all clinked their glasses together and drank, though Velvet and Eleanor were somewhat hesitant at first. But it turned out that Maggie really had been getting good at her job because it was damn near the best drink she'd had in a while. If Eleanor's face was anything to go off of, her fruity wine was just as amazing.

As it turned out, the entire line-up for the night was composed of employees. Despite Velvet's intention to save her laughter for when her friend went up on stage, there was something about the mood that night that managed to snake its way inside her. A lot of the jokes were incredibly sardonic and snarky, the observations and witticisms sharp and biting. There were no cheap lines about airline food or how men and women were different. There was a lot of honesty on display, and she found herself chuckling more than a few times.

The question was whether her friend could hope to match up to all the hype that was building. The emcee took the mic from the last comedian and encouraged the audience to keep up the applause. “Closing out the night, it's everyone's favorite lesbian. She'll charge you triple for a double and then seduce your girlfriend, Maggie Mayvin!!”

“Ladies, prepare yourselves for an experience,” she purred mysteriously before jogging up to the stage to steal the microphone. Velvet honestly had no clue what to expect. But she had to admit she actually felt kind of excited to see what the maniac had in store.

 


	4. I Know the Reason

Maggie snagged the mic from the emcee with an exaggerated motion, practically prancing to the middle of the stage. For a moment she just stood there as the applause died down, and then she waited a little longer for a bit of a silence to fall over the crowd.

“To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of trouble and by opposing end them? To die, to sleep, no more. And by a sleep, to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub, for in that death of sleep what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause...”

She took another obnoxious beat, waiting for the telltale awkward cough. “Seriously, how fucked up would it be if that was my entire bit?” Tension finally broken, she got the laughter she wanted. Of course, it wasn't quite as punchy as she had been hoping for, so she made a mental note to find a shorter soliloquy to recite. “Never addressed it, never talked about it, just monologued for ten minutes and then thanked you for giving me this chance to audition for your play?” She chuckled and fiddled with the mic stand as she continued. “Anyone who's seen me perform before knows I uh... I messed around with some awful performance art concepts, and people had to sit me down and tell me, with love, 'It's incredibly terrible and you should feel bad'. So, tonight I'm doing this _raw_. L~~~~~adies.”

The dirty joke definitely got a better laugh, and that pretentious voice in her brain bemoaned the inability to get that kind of reaction from a smarter bit. After that, Maggie kept to a more standard set. Despite her playful conversation with her roommates, she had no intention of overdoing it tonight. The point of experiences like this was to try out new jokes, and she knew that she couldn't get by forever on doing silly gimmicks. Sometimes, you just had to learn how to be funny.

She made careful mental notes of how each one was received by the audience. Naturally, stuff about being trans or being a witch tended to get less of a laugh – however, things that merely incorporated the information but still worked more universally actually got bigger laughs. It was a good sign, because it meant that she could use things from her own life without worrying about whether it would be too alienating. There was no way in hell Maggie was ever going to avoid talking about her own shit. Stage therapy was vital.

“And of course I'm just like... motherfucker, please. If you're not giving your girlfriend that good dick, I definitely will.” Ending on a high note, Maggie figured that was the best place to let it go. “Thank you guys so much for coming out to see us! Big ups to my roomie Velvet for letting me drag her along. She's the one there dressed all 'goffick' and shit. And naturally, to my girlfriend Eleanor for showing her pretty face tonight. Love you babe!” Sure enough, the redhead's face was burning hot as the sun and she snickered in delight. “I'm joking. Eleanor is tragically straight. No clue how she ended up with our gay asses, but it's a funny old world. Give it up one more time for all of our fabulous performers and be sure to tip the bartender!”

Dancing back to the table, Maggie snatched up her glass and downed the last of it in victory. Poor Eleanor was still hiding her face, but she was shocked to see an honest-to-goodness smile on Velvet's face. “I was promised an opportunity to see you crash and burn. How dare you deny me that joy, go up there, and do an actual good job.”

Maggie gasped dramatically, clutching at her non-existent pearls. “My word, was that very nearly a sort-of kind-of compliment??”

“No...” she said with an air of faux anger, sipping from her drink that she apparently got refilled at some point. “That was an accusation of lying. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Finally Eleanor's head rose from where it had been buried in her arms and she rushed to drink the rest of her sangria. “Why did you do that?? That was so embarrassing!!”

Maggie chuckled and flopped down in her seat. “Um, because it was hilarious. And I haven't had nearly enough chances to get a good jab at you. You're my friend, it comes with the territory.”

“And!” she said suddenly, revealing that this was apparently her second drink as well, judging by the slight slurring. “And! You called me... tragically straight. Which isn't even...” Eleanor said more after that, but she quickly dropped her volume to a whisper.

That seemed to get Velvet's attention as well, and Maggie craned her ear closer as though she were an elderly woman. “I'm sorry, hon, I didn't quite catch that. You'll have to speak up...”

“I'm not straight!!” While the entire bar hadn't heard that, a fair portion of it most certainly had, and Eleanor's head immediately sank back into her arms.

Velvet glanced over at Maggie with her eyebrows slightly raised. “We did it, Mags. We actually broke the poor girl, and she's barely known us a month.”

“You didn't break me,” came the muffled voice next to them. Slowly her face peaked out from her crossed arms, back to it's insanely red color. “I've known for ages. I was just convinced that I needed to keep it hidden. But it feels impossible with roommates like you. It's this part of you that's so obvious and so essential and I knew that if I tried any harder to push it away, it would just drive me insane. So there. I'm gay or something. Whatever.”

Eleanor looked like she was waiting for a response, but neither of them really knew what to say. Finally Maggie decided someone had to say something. “Well, I'd say that calls for a round of shots.”

* * *

“Come on come on come on come on I want stories. I need to know things!!” It had been... several more than just one round of shots. And despite the fact that Eleanor was still having difficulty talking about herself, Maggie just couldn't help but press her for more. In her mind, this was all just fun and games, needling Eleanor and having a bit of a chuckle along the way. But she had to wonder, why had she called out the redhead like that at the end of her set? To embarrass her, naturally. But also because she was incredibly cute when she blushed. But that was normal. You see a cute girl, you want to make her do cute things. Even if she was your friend, even if she lived with you.

Maggie had similar experiences with Velvet. All broody and serious all the time. How could she not help but delight in the act of pressing her buttons, like a child on an elevator. There was no shame in it, and sometimes she even got a smile or a chuckle out of her. Honestly, she'd developed a crush on Velvet ever since they first met, and it had never really gone away.

“Just like... like a first crush, or a first kiss or something. We already did the life story thing, it's not that big a deal at this point. Come oooonnnnnn...” She gave her best pathetic whimper, paired with some soul-destroying puppy eyes.

Eleanor must have been getting used to this new life of hers, because her resistance was quickly worn down. “Alright! Jus'... Jus' the one. So it'll shut you up.” She sat herself up straight and looked up at the ceiling. “It was at a youth group camp thing. You go to some place out in the woods or whatever for a week and talk about feelings and Jesus and stuff. It can be good or it can be really bad. It's kind of a toss-up. Anyway there were a couple different youth groups, and they wanted us to get to know new people. So we were split up into these little family units. Aaaaaand there was this one girl who I thought was really cool and really smart and she always said these amazing prayers and...”

She sighed softly and fiddled with a nearby empty glass. “I mean, at first I figured that was just me wanting to be friends with her. So we spent a lot of time hanging out. We took bunks in the sleeping area right next to one another. We talked constantly. My youth pastor and all my friends talked about how nice it was that I was making good friends with someone from another church. And all the while I was getting these really weird feelings in my gut. Like everyone was missing some crucial piece. But I couldn't put a name to it.” She reached for the closest glass that still had liquid in it and drank the remaining dregs, wincing at the awful taste. “So... one night she asks me to meet her somewhere private after lights-out. It was so amazing to be breaking all these rules, sneaking around the adults. We met up where the trees started encroaching on the camp grounds, and she was so anxious and constantly moving. I didn't even get a chance to ask her what was wrong before I felt her lips on mine. And uh... hah... God, I hate myself for it now, but at the time I had no idea what to do, so I just ran away. The next day, we all went home. I never heard from her again. But I keep wondering what might have happened if I'd been a little more self-aware, I could have walked away from that experience with a girlfriend. Instead, I just got a whole lot of confusing self-loathing.”

The three of them were quiet for a while. Feeling guilty for dragging such a sad story out of Eleanor, Maggie went to the bar, returning with some colorful, fruity concoction and placed it in front of her. “Not all of us can be blessed with the kind of annoying assurance I had as a little baby, Nora. It took you a while, big deal. You know now.”

Velvet offered a sage nod, and surprisingly even put a hand on her shoulder while Eleanor drank. “That sucks. But hey, the good news is your depressing story made me feel a little better about myself.”

The two shared a kind of awkward laugh, and Maggie felt that familiar feeling in her chest. She had done a lot of scheming and plotting in her life. Usually it was just for her own benefit. But she was starting to wonder if maybe it was possible to meddle for the good of people other than herself. Well, yes, she could get something out of it. But seeing her friends smiling and growing closer was pretty nice too.

“We should go dancing!”

 


	5. Follow the Lady

Eleanor stumbled through the front door of the Cackle Tabernacle, feeling less than graceful at the moment. It was only the fact that her two companions were likewise inebriated that she didn't feel like a total fool. “Hey. Hey, what about the... the boys?”

Velvet and Maggie both looked understandably confused for a moment. “Which... boys?” Velvet said with just the slightest bit of worry.

“Your boys. The other Lords of C'lamity. Eye-Sin and Rococo?” she muttered while gesturing vaguely with her hand. “I still haven't met 'em yet. They must be... busy. Busy little beavers. Bees. Whatever.”

Driving was clearly not an option, so they made their way carefully together down to the subway. Maggie chuckled with a mysterious smile – her usual MO. “Crimes. They do a lot of crimes, so they operate at weird hours. Not that I can really judge, I guess.”

She still hadn't really worked out how to tell when Maggie was telling a big joke and when she was actually being serious. If she had to guess, that was probably on purpose. “Like... actual?”

“Like actual” Velvet replied, immediate and serious. “Eizen thought he would support his sister Edna as she went through nursing school by playing the stock market, but it turned out he was pretty awful at doing it the right way. Before long he was broke and slumming it with us. But at some point he realized he could use his notorious bad luck to his own benefit. He made a new name for himself as the Reaper of Wall Street, hired out as a kind of mercenary to invest in stocks to purposefully crash them. Over time, he branched out into other stuff. Likes to be weirdly noble about it though, giving most of the money to charities and the like. As if he's some kind of modern day Robin Hood. Still, he's a good guy. Always on the move.”

Maggie nodded sagely as they stumbled onto a train pulling into the station, forced to stand and hold desperately on rails and loops to keep from falling over. “Rokurou used to work as a bouncer while he was living with us. The reason he moved out, making room for you, is because Eizen hired him as muscle. Which is ironic because Eizen like... already has muscles. Dude can look out for himself. But try as he might, he can't be in two places at once.” She winked with an even more mischievous grin. “You didn't hear it from us, but rumor has it Roku's family back east is all Yakuza. But he fucked up a mission or something and he got exiled. So now he's working with Eizen to make a name for himself.”

Eleanor suddenly felt like she had during her first few days at Casa Calamity. The others were criminals? She certainly wasn't one to judge them, if anything it made her feel intimidated all over again. Still, Jesus had spent his time with all manner of people, so perhaps this really was where she was meant to be. “...what about you two? Did you ever... I-I don't know... help with... crime?”

Velvet shot her a look, glanced around the train, then locked onto her eyes one more time. _Right, public place, idiot. Maybe keep it down._

The blonde was far less serious about it, keeping that same look, so pleased with herself. “Absolutely not. I would never participate in such a thing. I'm frail and helpless, and completely incapable of doing anything criminal.”

Even if she wasn't totally capable of following every single conversation she held with her roommates, this one was pretty clear-cut. Velvet and Maggie were good people, occasionally kind, and at least doing their best to make their way in the world. But perhaps there was more to them. She wanted to know the details, but now was clearly not the time to press for info. Besides, as the next stop came up, Maggie beckoned them off the train toward their destination.

* * *

The dance club was... Well, it was a dance club. Even having never been to one before, Eleanor could tell immediately that this place was pretty standard. Dim lights, lots of colors and flashing, heavy bass, tons of warm bodies pressed in close together.

Maggie was clearly in high spirits because she paid for all of their covers and wouldn't take no for an answer. As soon as they were in the door, she spun around on her heel. “I have to use the little girls' room. Meet y'all by the bar in a few minutes?”

Velvet shrugged and started walking in that direction as well. “The amount we drank, I might as well join you. Eleanor had the right idea, going back at the Tabernacle.”

She waved to them before turning her attention on the bar. She most definitely didn't need any more alcohol in her system, but a bottle of water sounded like a damn good idea. Before she could catch the bartender's attention, she felt someone gently tap her on the shoulder three times. “Excuse me, I noticed you trying to flag down a drink. I somehow ended up with two, would you like this one?”

The set-up was so obvious that she almost felt insulted. But she also knew enough horror stories to know that she had to be a little careful here until her friends returned. “Why thank you. That's very kind of you...?” she motioned to him, leaving an opening for him to give her a name.

“Zelos. And you are?”

Eleanor made absolutely no move to actually reach for the drink, leaving it sitting right where it was. “Eleanor. It's a pleasure.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Ellie~”

 _Oh god, I think I might actually vomit. Jesus protect me._ “Eleanor, please. I don't really go in for nicknames.”

As if waiting for her cue in the wings (which might not have been entirely inaccurate), Maggie appeared out of nowhere, putting a protective arm around her shoulders. “Nora! There's my girlfriend.” Unlike before, this lie was a comfort rather than an embarrassment. “Chatting up this nice young man, I see.” She thrust her hand out rather aggressively.

The disappointed charmer took it and shook it slowly. “Zelos. I was just introducing myself, really. I'll get out of your hair.”

“Nonsense!” Now Velvet was joining in on the action, slapping him forcefully on the back. “It would be rude to part ways so quickly.”

Maggie used the leverage she had from their team effort to get in closer. “I want to be very clear. If you have any kind of ill intentions for Nora here, I will personally ensure that your balls and your eyes have switched places.”

While he was distracted, Eleanor casually reached into her purse and retrieved a tiny strip, dipping the end of it into the glass. It changed colors, which was a shame really. Zelos seemed like he could have been a nice enough guy. She tossed the strip, then pushed the glass toward the bartender. It 'accidentally' tipped over the edge and spilled everywhere. “Maggie! Be nice. Zelos was offering me a drink and everything. Here...” She gently separated their hands, then immediately grabbed his as tight as she could. Given their height difference, she conveniently had to stand right on his foot, putting all her weight on his big toe, leaning up to his ear. “And if I see you so much as approach another girl in here tonight with a suspicious drink, my violent friend here won't have time to save you. I will drag you out back and end you myself. Slowly. Painfully. You will beg for death.”

Just as quickly, she was off his foot, bouncing back with a cheerful wave. “It was nice meeting you!” She grabbed both her friends' hands and hurried toward the middle of the dance floor.

* * *

“This is just pathetic. I mean, I know you spent your childhood in church and all but really. Just sad. You need a crash course in dancing like a human being.” Eleanor didn't really have time to argue with Maggie before the girl moved in behind her, planting her hands on her hips without a trace of self-consciousness or shame. “You're putting too much focus on your shoulders. Don't get me wrong, they're near your boobs, and some girls can work them like champions. But we're doing the easy stuff for now. You wanna move your hips more, it looks great and it keeps you feeling more grounded.”

“Um. O-Okay...” There really was no process in her brain that would help Eleanor in this particular situation. She didn't have it in her to be rude enough to shove her away. She wasn't sure how to actually play along in a fun way. All she could really manage was to just kind of dumbly nod her head and follow her instructions.

As promised, there was something rather natural in moving her hips in time to the music. Granted, she did have Maggie's hands there to guide her. But they were just as much a distraction as they were a help. It was equally strange to realize that her friend's body was pressed in fairly close to hers, to the point that Maggie's hips were directing her almost as much as her hands. Honestly, the overly religious part of Eleanor's brain felt almost guilty to be taking joy in the experience. It never would have occurred to her that Maggie was just as pleased with things.

Even Velvet was having a little laugh at the absurdity of it. And frankly, that made it all worth it, because Velvet definitely deserved to laugh more. It was tough to tell over the loud music, but Eleanor had no doubt the sound was as delightful as the way her face lit up.

Maggie suddenly began gesturing toward Velvet excitedly, and with some hesitation the woman slid in place in front of her, back pressing against Eleanor's front – effectively creating a little dance train. This left Eleanor stuck in the middle, not that she was complaining. Two gorgeous women dancing against her? How could she possibly find anything wrong with that, even if they were her roommates and friends too. But with all the shake-ups in her life, perhaps a few more shake-ups wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Velvet's hands brought her back to reality, taking her own hands and guiding them to her hips. Yes, this was most definitely a new experience for her.

The song came to an end, and Maggie performed a rather impressive switch-up, twirling Velvet around so that the two of them could share the next dance. Eleanor would have been happy to just stand aside, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Each took one of her hands and tugged her back in close. Eleanor couldn't help the little giggle of delight that burst out of her as she danced over to them.

That was the happy pattern that continued for a while when something unexpected changed it all. Another song had just faded out, and the three of them were looking a bit worn out. Which was right about the time Maggie planted her hand on the back of Velvet's neck. Eleanor could only watch in amazement as the blonde pulled her into a passionate kiss. It was not just a drunk-girl kiss, if she had to guess.

Still, somehow, Velvet actually managed to surprise in return. She pressed a hand to her own lips, staring silently at Maggie for a moment or two, then suddenly rushing for the front door. Maggie wasted no time at all, grabbing Eleanor's hand and rushing after her. They weaved their way through the crowd, swimming upstream until they were able to slip through the door and into the night air. Velvet was already long gone, nowhere in sight, having probably caught a taxi or train back home. Maggie turned to Eleanor looking legitimately sad for the first time since the two had met.

“I knew I should have kissed you first. Stupid, stupid Maggie...”

“Hey, it's okay, we'll catch a cab home and then-” Eleanor's brain caught up to what the other woman had actually said, a few seconds late. “...wait, what??”

 


	6. Raise the Roof

Velvet wasn't really thinking about anything in particular, just moving on instinct. She hailed for a cab as soon as she hit the street, taking whatever came along even as some other guy tried to climb in the back seat. Without missing a beat she shoved him out of the way, climbed inside, and shut the door behind her.

She gave the driver an address that was not the apartment, and he looked back at her through small separating window. “Nasty part of town. You sure that's where a pretty gal like you is trying to head, this time of night?”

“Did I fucking stutter?” She shut the window, realizing only after she'd buckled up that she had just acted like kind of an asshole to someone she didn't even know. Cracking the window open just slightly, she cleared her throat. “Um, sorry... You don't even have to stop at the address, I'll just pass you a 100% tip and tuck and roll out the door.”

To her surprise, the guy gave a hearty laugh. “You got guts, kid. I'll get ya there safe and sound.”

Settling into her seat, Velvet fired off a text to her friends. Her other friends.

* * *

Velvet lay stretched out in the middle of Roku and Eizen's living room as the two sat on the couch, bewildered. She did her best to recount the events of the evening.

“Not gonna lie, I feel like we're still missing some important details here.” Rokurou sighed, brushing some hair away from his face, his scars coming into view for a moment. “Don't get me wrong, it's not exactly the shocker of the century that Mags would kiss you. But I thought you said she was flirting with Eleanor mostly.”

Velvet sat up with a groan, leaning back against a nearby chair. “Well, on the one hand, it was probably just her trying to get a rise out of the poor thing. But then again, Maggie is exactly the kind of person who would 'jokingly' flirt with a girl to hide the fact that she was actually flirting with her.” As the night replayed itself in her head for the umpteenth time, she growled softly. “But that's beside the point! I mean, for all I know, she was planning this for years. What if all that time I was going out with Niko, she was just waiting and hoping we'd break up so she could get with me?? Like, how shitty, right?”

Eizen held up his hand, face as calm as ever. “Velvet. Take a breath. Did Maggie ever once try to split the two of you up? Give you bad advice? Anything like that?”

“...no,” she sighed. As always, Eizen was a little too smart. “No, if anything, she was always pretty damn supportive.”

“You're telling me that Maggie – _Maggie Lou Mayvin_ – was patient enough to let years go by, supporting you and Niko, and only made a move after you were single. And _you're_ mad at _her_??” Roku looked at her intently, the sarcastic tone only providing a thin disguise for his legitimate confusion.

There was a muffled buzzing sound interrupting the conversation. Eizen reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone, checking the screen with a light chuckle. “Speak of the devil.” He put the device to his ear. “Yeah? Yep. No worries, we'll pile in the Van Eltia and pop over soon. I look forward to it.”

Velvet gave a pathetic groan as she scrubbed at her face with the heels of her palms. “I know we're all about honesty, but I really don't want to deal with my feelings. Can we just not? You can call them back, tell them I'm vomiting super hard, that I'll sleep off my hangover here. Right? It's that easy.”

Rokurou and Eizen quickly glanced at each other, but Eizen soon broke out in another chuckle. “Yeah, uh, no. You know the rules. We face things head-on. So c'mon. Pick yourself up and let's get you home.”

* * *

The Van Eltia was really just a fancy name for a junker car Eizen had inherited from an old friend. He wasn't the type of person to name a car, but Aifread was. So they kept the name around to honor him. It was the least anyone could do.

Velvet had hoped for a quiet ride back to the apartment, but it was not to be. Since Eleanor still hadn't met the others yet, they were just as curious as her. While Eizen drove, Rokurou would fire off random questions about the newest Lord of Calamity. “So she's really a pastor?”

“Studying to be one at any rate. Not... entirely sure she's going to make it that far though. She's got a lot of pent-up doubt, and a lot of issues to work through. Like any of us. Her being gay probably won't help matters any, either.” She stared out the window, as much musing out loud as she was really answering his question.

Roku just laughed softly. “Sounds familiar.” There was a beat before he spoke again. “You think maybe Mags kissed you because she couldn't work up the courage to kiss her instead?”

“At this point, I have literally no idea. Let's just... do this.”

They drove the rest of the way in awkward silence. As the apartment drew closer, Velvet could feel her chest grow tighter. Had that kiss with Maggie really been something important? Or had it just been a drunken smooch between friends? How long had she wanted to do that for, hours or years? And what about Eleanor, did she have anything to do with this? The questions were too many, and they circled her mind like buzzards. She would have answers soon, but she wasn't particularly excited about that fact.

Once inside the apartment, it was almost immediately apparent just how awkward everything was. The air itself felt thick. That was broken almost as quick, however. Velvet's attention was initially caught by the sound of activity from the kitchen before being blindsided by a hug from Maggie. “Our lost lamb has returned to us!!”

Velvet's face was burning as the embrace quickly brought back memories of their earlier kiss. She rushed to squirm her way out of Maggie's grip, dusting herself off. “I'm not a lost lamb, I literally just went to hang out with our friends...”

“Yeah, without telling us.” Maggie pouted, crossing her arms.

From the kitchen, Eleanor's head appeared around the door. “Oh goodness, why do I always have such poor timing. I'm sorry, you guys, I should be saying hello but I've kinda got this whole hot cocoa thing going on. Would you like any?”

Eizen gave her a small wave. “No thanks, we're mostly just here to drop Velvet off. Don't worry, we'll find some time to properly annoy you another day.”

Velvet looked toward him, eyes pleading, hoping that he and Rokurou might stick around just a few minutes longer. Anything to delay The Talk. But there was no mercy to be found in his eyes, and before she knew it, they were gone. Clearing her throat, Velvet looked toward the kitchen. “Um... I could... use some cocoa. Don't we still have some marshmallows lying around?”

* * *

There they all sat in the living room, mugs steaming, no one jumping at the chance to say anything. But Velvet knew she could endure a silence for as long as she liked. And Eleanor seemed just as capable. It was, ultimately, just a matter of time before Maggie cracked.

“Vel... Why did you run?”

And therein lay the problem with waiting for her to speak first. Because then she would ask the most obvious question. And at this point, there wasn't really anywhere else Velvet could run to. All she had left was honesty. “I liked it. And... that made me guilty.”

That hung in the air a while. “I'm not certain I follow, darling.” Her lips formed a pretty pout. No, a normal pout. Like she always did. Aggravating and dramatic.

“You should be thankful I went to the guys'. I was angry with you. Now I can't even remember why. Because stupid Eizen made me realize I'm angry with my stupid self. Because I'd been looking for an excuse to break up with Niko for a while now, and as soon as the opportunity presented itself, we split up. Not even a week goes by, a pretty girl kisses me, and it's my best friend, and it's so good. And more than anything, it just made me hate myself.”

There was a pause, and then that pretty pout turned into a surprised smile. “Oh, Velvet~” Maggie giggled, sipping at her cocoa before setting the mug aside. “You're a goddamn idiot.”

Velvet set her own mug down with a loud clatter. “Excuse me??”

Infuriatingly, Maggie just giggled again. “You're so dumb. Sometimes you just transform into this little ball of angst and rage with no direction. And it really is adorable. You gave Niko some amazing years, even after everything you went through. You never strayed from her, never cheated. And now, as a single woman, you would still rather feel that little knot in your chest from a simple kiss because... what? You didn't _mourn_ long enough?? Truly, you're a marvel.”

Wishing to redirect this conversation somehow, Velvet cast a sidelong glance at their other roommate. “As delightful as our dear Eleanor is, I'm not entirely certain that this is really something she needs to be here for.” In spite of what she thought was a fairly straightforward point, both Maggie and Eleanor suddenly looked at opposite corners of the room as though they were infinitely fascinating.

“And this is the part where I reveal that I, too, am kind of a huge idiot...” Maggie's face fell, and Velvet's curiosity was piqued enough that she nearly forgot her previous anger. “I really did just want to have a nice night out, at first. I actually had the chance to perform a set and I wanted my friends to see it. And I did great! And then we were drinking and... and Eleanor came out to us, so like duh, celebration time. And then we're all dancing and... Jesus, Vel, I don't know. I've always thought you were amazing, and Eleanor is amazing, and I'm just the best. So I figured the three of us together would be pretty much perfection.” She sighed – not in her usual dramatic way, but something more earnest and sad. “So I'm like... okay, so make-outs need to happen. First I contemplated encouraging you two to kiss because that would just be super cute. Only that could easily backfire and leave me all alone. But I couldn't go and smooch Eleanor first because it might make you feel left out, and no one wants to be a third wheel so soon after a break-up. In the moment, kissing you seemed like the safest option. Because I completely forgot that you're an idiot who's too busy hating herself to just accept that something nice is happening for once.”

The silence returned for a moment or two, but it was just as quickly shattered by loud laughter. From Velvet. Eleanor soon joined in, and it wasn't long until all three of them were nearly cackling. The laughter went on for a good long while until Velvet's stomach was aching. “Ha... Um, Eleanor, wh-what about you? You've been pretty quiet about this entire thing.”

She messed around with her mug in silent contemplation for a while. “I think... I'd like to maybe sleep on all this for an evening? I'm feeling rather... overwhelmed.”

Surprisingly gentle, Maggie moved over to her as they both stood up, kissing the top of her head. “Sleep well, Nora. We'll chat it up tomorrow. No worry, no hurry.” She turned to Velvet with a wave and a bashful smile. “Night, Vel. Sweet dreams.”

After they had both gone to their rooms, Velvet took her time cleaning up their mugs and the traces of Eleanor's cooking from the kitchen. It was only after she glanced out the window over the sink, and saw her reflection, that she realized she was practically beaming. “Maybe I really am an idiot...”

 


	7. Comfort

Sleep didn't come to Maggie immediately. She was, of course, thinking about everything that had happened that evening. In a way, it was absolutely shocking that she had managed to come out the other side of everything intact. It wasn't just the nearly disastrous kiss with Velvet that had almost ruined things. After all, once they had lost track of her, Maggie just had to go and do something so stupid as monologue to herself out loud that she should have kissed Eleanor first. Ya know, right in front of Eleanor.

“...wait, what??” The look on her face would have been priceless, if it weren't for the fact that it also kind of read as 'disturbed'. “You... That was gonna... Me too??” Succinct, to be sure.

Maggie sighed sadly and leaned up against the nearby brick wall. “Yeah, I had a whole... thing... in my brain, and I kinda fucked it all up.” She crossed her arms and stared down at the cement, trying to avoid seeing any more of the horror that no doubt lay on Eleanor's face. “I was trying to get everyone involved, but Vel freaked out before I could really demonstrate the idea properly...”

Eleanor quietly sidled up next to her, also leaning up on the wall. “...so it wasn't just all in my head.”

“I mean I wasn't exactly being subtle.” Maggie chuckled softly, finally glancing over at her. “You're both amazing, and frankly I'd be an idiot to just pick one of you over the other. I knew it was a dangerous move, but I had to. Just to know.”

There was some silence as Eleanor appeared to think all of this over. Then she pushed herself off the wall, turned to Maggie, cupped her cheek and gently kissed her on the lips. “You dork...” It wasn't really drunk make-outs, but the mood was admittedly not quite right. And a kiss was still a kiss. They both broke out in goofy laughter as she pulled away. “Let's get back home and see if Vel is there. We can figure things out from there.”

So, they did just that. When the apartment turned out to be empty, it didn't take a huge leap in logic to figure Velvet had run away to hide with the guys.

But all that was the past – the recent past, sure, but still the past. Nothing was officially decided yet, but signs were good. And before long, Maggie finally passed out into a blissful sleep.

* * *

Maggie was awoken by the sound of chatter and some rather delicious smells. As much as she loved her warm, cozy bed and the feeling of Bienfu laying on top of her (and suffocating her), she was far more excited to get up and investigate. Naturally, it took a while to get the massive cat off of her, and she had to knock back her usual round of morning meds. But finally she was able to escape to the main part of the apartment.

The source of both the talking and the smells was the kitchen. She casually stepped into the doorway and leaned against the door jamb, watching the adorable little scene before her. Velvet was in total wife-mode, with that super cute frilly apron and her hair pulled back by a scarf. Eleanor was sitting on the counter nearby, watching as she cooked, and laughing brightly at something she had just said. It was all so goddamn saccharine and it honestly warmed Maggie's heart. She would never, ever admit it.

“Room for one more? Or should I leave you two lovebirds alone for a while?” No doubt her smile was insufferable.

Velvet immediately got that familiar frustrated look on her face, and poor Eleanor went red. “Just... get in here, you goober...”

Chuckling, Maggie strolled over and popped up onto the counter next to the redhead, patting her gently on the head and adjusting a few stray bangs. “I tease because I care. How come you're not at the chapel, Church Mouse?”

“Well, I'm still kinda working off a minor hangover. Also um, I just wanted to make sure that I was around if... like, if you guys... wanted to... talk or whatever...” She fumbled with her hands in her lap. And while Maggie's usual instinct at this point was to dig in deeper on the teasing, she decided to try and be a nice person for once.

Reaching over, she gently slipped her hand into Eleanor's and squeezed it gently. “Let's focus on having a delicious breakfast. We can talk about stuff when we have nice, full bellies. We should never take food from Velvet for granted.”

The cook scoffed, flipping some pieces of bacon before turning to shuffle some eggs, adding seasonings that Maggie couldn't name if someone held a gun to her head. “My cooking is nothing special. It's just... food. That's all.”

“Which is exactly the kind of thing someone would say when they're an amazing cook and they know how to be humble. Seriously, Vel, you're amazing and that's all there is to it.”

That seemed to put an end to things. Or, more likely, Velvet realized that this was not an argument she was willing to sink a bunch of energy into. Either way, victory achieved.

* * *

Breakfast was delicious, naturally. Once Eleanor began adding her compliments to the chef too, it obviously became harder for Velvet to maintain any idea that she was somehow not exceptional. To show their appreciation, Maggie dragged Nora into the kitchen so that they could take over cleaning duty. But before long, all possible distractions were out of the way. So they sat there together on the couch in the living room with Maggie in between her two friends. None of them were necessarily pouncing on the opportunity to say something, so she figured it might have to be her. She was the one who literally talked for a living, after all. “Um, so. I think we... already know how I feel about things. So I guess it just depends on the two of you. How do you feel about... dating? And I mean, like, for real, don't just say yes to be nice to me. I'll survive if you just aren't feeling it. But since the whole kissing fiasco went poorly, I want to be straight-forward about it this time.”

Velvet began nodding her head slowly – a common thing she did that was less about agreeing to the proposal and more about signaling that she understood. “You're serious about this. Honestly, that seems like a good sign. I... I think it... would be... Ugh, _yes_ , okay! Obviously, I want to! But... you wouldn't think I'm just like... making it a rebound thing, right? It's definitely more than that.”

Carefully, she slipped an arm around Velvet's shoulder, rubbing her back gently. “Is that what you're nervous about? Girl, I can't even _picture_ you having a rebound fling. Your species clearly mates for life. Metaphorically speaking.” Glancing to the other side, she caught Eleanor's eye and smiled warmly. “How about you kiddo? Feeling overwhelmed or has the idea kinda grown on you?”

Her cheeks quickly started to glow red again and she glanced away and down at her lap. “I... couldn't stop thinking about everything last night. It took me a while to fall asleep. I just kept... smiling and burying my face in my pillows and... God, it was so ridiculous. But... I know that I want it too. I want to try. Even if it's kind of scary.”

Maggie quickly hopped up to her feet, clapping her hands excitedly. “Then I declare today a non-day! Normally I would suggest we go on a date, but we basically did that last night. So! We shall stay in our pajamas, snuggle up with some blankets and shit, and binge movies!”

“As long as you promise to take the energy down a notch or two, sweetie. Snuggles generally require a more easy-going tone and less... hype...” Even if Velvet was being a bit snarky, you couldn't ignore that charming smile on her face. God, it was good to see that smile again.

Eleanor popped up, looking much more animated. “I have the perfect quilt for cuddles. I'll go grab it~” Just like that, she was off to her room, returning instantly with a big colorful bundle.

“Okay, well I guess I'm going to be the only mellow one in the room,” Velvet teased gently as they returned to their spots on the couch and Eleanor stretched the quilt across their laps.

From there, it was pretty much exactly what one might expect. A lot of debating what movies they should watch, shifting back and forth, nestling into one another, pausing occasionally for food. It was exactly and precisely what Maggie had hoped for.

* * *

The living room was littered with empty chinese food cartons and half-finished drinks. Maggie's eyes slowly fluttered open, seeing the television idled on the Netflix menu. Clearly at some point they had all collectively passed out together, full of food and love. She gently shook each of the other girls with a little chuckle. “I believe it is officially time for bed, ladies. No point in sleeping in here when we have three perfectly good beds, yeah?”

Eleanor whimpered softly and burrowed more into her shoulder. “...'m not done snuggling. Need more.”

“Sounds like someone's trying to sweet-talk her way into your bed, Mags.” Velvet gave a low, breathy laugh. “Can't exactly say I blame her...”

Well, hell, no point in pretending like they didn't want to spend the night together. So she took their hands and gently tugged Eleanor and Velvet toward her bedroom. She got no resistance from either of them, at least not initially. It was only after the door closed behind them that she could feel Velvet's hand disengage from her own. “I should uh... I guess I ought to leave my glove on for the night...” For someone who could project a lot of self-confidence, Velvet really could look miserably unconfident.

Maggie just clicked her tongue and pulled her closer. “You're kidding, right? You always complain about how that thing itches like hell and that it doesn't breathe. It'll be annoying you all night if you leave it on.”

“Well yeah, but... if I take it off then you'll have to look at it and... and touch it and...” She sighed sadly, not able to look at either one of them.

Her hands gently shifted, taking Velvet's gloved hand. As slow as she could, she started to pull it off of her. She wanted to give her enough space to stop it, if that's what she wanted. Thankfully, she didn't. She just watched her in quiet fascination. As more and more of her arm was revealed, those scars and burns came into view. Maggie casually tossed the glove aside when it was finally off, then pulled up so that she could kiss her gently on the wrist. “I always thought your scars were... beautiful, Vel. Not in that shitty pop song kinda way. I mean for real.” This was far from a line. She had always admired Velvet's scars like one might view a cubist painting. Not that she would ever say such a thing out loud.

She had hoped that this might be the end of things, but that was when Eleanor slumped onto the edge of the bed with a sad sigh. “Um, while we're... being self-conscious about stuff... I kinda have a scar too, and... I've never really showed it to anyone before.”

Velvet still looked a bit stunned by Maggie's showing of tenderness, but she managed to break away so she could approach Eleanor. “It's alright. You certainly don't have to. But I can promise if you do show it to us, we would never judge you for it.”

After some clear internal debate, she finally reached down to her waist, grabbing her top and pulling it up and over her head. Sure enough, there on her chest, right in the center where you really couldn't miss it, was a massive vertical scar that looked... not great.

“After mom died, I realized that I might very well have inherited the same thing she had. So I got myself checked out, and sure enough my heart showed a much less severe version of the same condition. So of course I went in for surgery as soon as I could. Only the um... the surgeon was still kind of new I guess? He completely screwed up closing the incision and... well... Here it is...” She shut her eyes tight, and already Maggie could see the beginnings of tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Without a word, Velvet knelt down in front of her, leaned in, and kissed the scar with more tenderness than Maggie had possibly ever seen. She realized after a moment or two that she was holding her breath as she watched and slowly exhaled.

“V-Velvet...” she whispered softly.

In response, she just shushed Eleanor gently before placing another kiss on her lips. “You're gorgeous. Now, no more worrying about silly things. Maggie's right – as much as it hurts me to admit it. These kinds of things don't matter. It's the heart under the scar that matters. And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny it up and down.”

Laughing, they both began to undress more. Maggie was fairly certain that they had never really talked about things beyond simple snuggling. But she also wasn't about to complain. She slipped off her tank top and climbed out of her pajama pants only to be stopped dead by a very stupid realization. The obvious issue of what was between her legs. Sometimes it was fine. Sometimes it was an issue. She didn't have any reason to believe that either of them would be disgusted with her. But you could never be sure until it was too late. “Um... m-my turn I guess...” She laughed sardonically and swallowed, then casually turned her body to the side slightly, as though she could hide herself. “We should probably talk about my whole... situation...”

A slender hand took her own and started tugging her toward the bed. She turned back and saw Eleanor looking at her with the most gentle smile. “Maggie, there were no less than three separate references in your stand-up routine to the fact that you have a dick. If either of us had some kind of problem with that, I don't think we'd be here now. Come on~”

Finally she relented and allowed herself to be pulled over, tumbling onto the bed with her as Velvet gracefully slipped in beside them. “ _Now_ who's the goddamn idiot?”

“Shut up, you know full well that I- unh...” Any further bickering was cut off as Eleanor's hand dipped down, slipping carefully inside her panties, stroking softly. Even if she could formulate a coherent thought, she was further silenced by Velvet capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

The three Ladies of Calamity might have each been a bit shattered in their own way, but Maggie was realizing that together they might be able to make one another whole.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I think that's where I'm gonna leave this story, unless I get a particularly awesome idea. Big ups to my DM for reminding me that I left this story hanging. I hope this feels like a fitting ending~


End file.
